Family Reunions are hell on one's Psyche

What is it about having both older and younger siblings around that make the middle one feel inferior?

Most of you have read about personality being influenced by order of birth, etc. etc.

Well, I am a firm believer of that.

See, my older sister got a lot of attention. Mom has sacrificed much for her despite my older sister's constant rejection of her. Now, they're great friends. But sometimes I wonder if guilt motivated my mom (aside, of course, the love of a mother) in putting so much on the line for my older sister. And I can't help but wonder if it ever came down to it, would she do the same for me?

Now, my younger brother, well, he's another story. Mom hasn't had to sacrifice for him because he's a great kid. Instead, he's sacrificing for my mom. He's the baby, the only son. He's the one that's gone overseas, constantly in danger, constantly in my mother's thoughts. When he shows up for fifteen days, she's in heaven...I, on the other hand, am in hell. Talk about sibling preference. It's hard at times to enjoy my brother's visits because the obvious preference is...well...obvious. How the hell do I deal with that? Try my best not to become a petulant jealous child but it's so darn hard!

Now me...well, when it's just me here with my mom, it's all great. Afterall, I look after her, make sure her doctor appointments are up to date, communicate her needs to her doctors, send out her bills so she won't get behind by forgetting. Making sure she has some money left in her account. I look after her the entire year that my brother is overseas and my sister's in NM and yet, when all three of us are together, I'm the one that gets pushed to the side. What the hell?

It's hard not to feel inferior when I'm with my siblings. What it is though is ridiculous. I have a college degree that I worked hard for, grade wise and money wise. I lived on my own for a year and eight months right out of college. Not the easiest thing to do, and occassionally needed help from my mother, but I did it. Now, here I am, with a college degree and one hell of a crappy job and living at home with my mother and annoyingly pisses me off stepfather, looking after their medical needs (yes, both of them) and I feel inferior to my older sister and little brother. What the hell is wrong with that picture?

It's not me. It's my parents. My stepdad has always treated me differently to the way he treats my older sister and younger brother. That, in itself, I've sort of learned to deal with.

My mother only treats me differently when my brother and sister are around. Example: did you know that my mom constantly brags that my sister has worked hard to get what she has. She owns her own mobile home (paid it off completely by herself), she paid for her own Yukon. She's bought her kids cell phones, iPods, computers, laptops, videogames, PS3s, etc., etc. All on her own, with her own hard work. And mom does not mind braggin about it.

But me? When I mention to people who find out that I have a degree that I worked three to four jobs every year to pay off my own tuition, on top of doing eighteen hour semesters so I could get free money (which I did, four of my five years in college were free rides, financially...and that's not including internship) my mom gets this look on her face. Like it upsets her for me to be telling people that I paid my way through college. I worked my ass off, in class and on the jobs, to make my dream come true. Just like my sister. But I don't hear my mom braggin about that. Instead, she gets annoyed when I do it for her. I'm proud of my accomplishments...but at times, I wonder if my mom is.

Okay, I gotta stop now because my library computer time is almost up and I am very close to crying.

Other than the psychological hell that was the week in Alburquerque, everything else was great. Whole lot of fun to hang out with family.

Time With Family

Can be a horrid time as well as a great time.

So far, I've had one fight with my mom (minor, but there nonetheless).

A couple of fights with my brother (this involved drinks, beer pong and accusations of cheating).

Some scabbles about manners with my oldest nephew.

My stepdad and I aren't talking...no reason, really, just...not talking.

Anyway, other than the bad stuff, there's the good stuff.

My brother and I have had the chance to talk, share secrets, confidences.

My mom is deliriously happy at having her children and grandchildren with her.

My cousin's over with her kids, who are so darn cute!

Well, right now, the drama is family portraits. We are trying to figure out what to where, where to go, when to go, what people combinations are we gonna get, etc., etc.

This should all be very interesting. Will update more later.

Oh! I can play beer pong very well after four Smirnoffs!

Back To School

For 5 1/2 hours.

Today, I took my Defensive Driving Class to get my speeding ticket dismissed.

I got a 95% on the final exam. Go figure.

Anyway, other than that, nothing new.

My writing is coming along, I have finished the first set of practice questions for chapter three of my study book (7 correct out of 13 but still have three other sets).

I have had three interviews, two peer interviews and come this Friday, I should find out if I get a job offer from the two peer interviews. Pray to God I get either one. I know I can do excellent work in either position.

I am freaking about money, per usual, trying to make ends meet with the little I get paid. Which means I must get a better paying job and soon.

Other than that, no new updates. Will update as soon as possible.

Blondes don't have more fun...they just get stared at...ALOT

Or maybe it's just me.

I must admit, highlight operation went awry.

Now I must live with it.

No problem because soon, caramel haircolor will come to the rescue.

Fine, fine. I'll make sure and put up a picture before I change my look...again.

Other updates?

Had three interviews and I have a peer interview for one of the three this coming Monday at eight in the morning. Gives me time to come home from work, shower, dress and then head back out.

Keep it in your prayers because I REALLY want this job. Final decision will be made known on the 18th of this month.

Pray, pray, pray.

PRAY I SAY!!!!!

Let Me Tell You A Horror Story

Where's my head at?

So this morning, as I stopped at a salon to ask about the price of highlights, I realized I didn't have my mom's cell phone with me. Turns out I left it at my Herbalife club...again.

Now, that's not the horror story. I think only Becca (and those who cannot survive with the item I am about to mention) will be able to understand the temporary panic I experienced today.

After I finished my latest checked out book, I decided to head to the library. This led to getting my book bag and checking to make sure I had everything I needed.

Notebook? Check.

Pen/Pencil bag? Check.

Folder with needed paperwork? Check.

Mom's bills and money for money orders? Check.

Eleven letters to mail because Stephen challenged me to apply at 25 different places? Check.

USB to save Rosie's resume?

....

USB to save Rosie....USB? USB?! USB!!!!!

WHERE THE HELL IS MY USB!!!!

Oh no! I must have left it at the library on the USB port of computer number fourteen yesterday afternoon when I went to print out ten copies of my cover letter!!!

My USB is out there, somewhere, in someone else's hands! How could I be so stupid!!!

A phone is one thing but my USB!

NOOOOOOO!!!!

I can buy a new one, ask Becca to e-mail me all the notes on our story she has, redo my resumes and cover letters (I have hard copies). I can upload my stories from fanfic onto my USB. I have yet to type out any of my other stories....the only thing I may be losing is a couple of ideas that I've written in letters to Becca (which she has finished typing up and will be emailing to me soon, right Beccs?)...the only thing I am losing is my grandparents' phone number (the ones I never call) and I can always call my aunt and ask her for it...

So no need to panic...just get a USB...if no one turned it into the front desk...if someone decides to keep it...and read what I have saved in it......

Someone out there, some stranger, could be reading MY story ideas, MY stories, snooping around MY thoughts and ideas and....

How could I be so stupid?!?! Why did I not look into password protecting my USB?

Panic attack comes back!

MY USB!!! The horror! The horror!

I got to the library, checked computer 14 USB port...nothing.

Oh no! Oh no!

Asked the computer room desk clerk and watched her check her drawer...nothing.

THE HORROR!!!

Then asked the front desk librarian...watched her open her drawer...rummage through the pens...pulled out something wrapped in paper with writting on it...

MY USB!

Oh, USB, please forgive me. I shall never again leave you behind. Never again will I risk you to be exposed to the eyes of strangers. I shall guard you jealously, from this moment on, with my own life. Forgive me, USB, forgive me.

Never again will I take you for granted. As I carry you out to the cruel, cruel world, I will hold you upon my chest, hang you around my neck and brand your presence upon my very brain.

Never again will I leave you behind forgotten or may a bear come up the street and eat me alive.