What is it about having both older and younger siblings around that make the middle one feel inferior?
Most of you have read about personality being influenced by order of birth, etc. etc.
Well, I am a firm believer of that.
See, my older sister got a lot of attention. Mom has sacrificed much for her despite my older sister's constant rejection of her. Now, they're great friends. But sometimes I wonder if guilt motivated my mom (aside, of course, the love of a mother) in putting so much on the line for my older sister. And I can't help but wonder if it ever came down to it, would she do the same for me?
Now, my younger brother, well, he's another story. Mom hasn't had to sacrifice for him because he's a great kid. Instead, he's sacrificing for my mom. He's the baby, the only son. He's the one that's gone overseas, constantly in danger, constantly in my mother's thoughts. When he shows up for fifteen days, she's in heaven...I, on the other hand, am in hell. Talk about sibling preference. It's hard at times to enjoy my brother's visits because the obvious preference is...well...obvious. How the hell do I deal with that? Try my best not to become a petulant jealous child but it's so darn hard!
Now me...well, when it's just me here with my mom, it's all great. Afterall, I look after her, make sure her doctor appointments are up to date, communicate her needs to her doctors, send out her bills so she won't get behind by forgetting. Making sure she has some money left in her account. I look after her the entire year that my brother is overseas and my sister's in NM and yet, when all three of us are together, I'm the one that gets pushed to the side. What the hell?
It's hard not to feel inferior when I'm with my siblings. What it is though is ridiculous. I have a college degree that I worked hard for, grade wise and money wise. I lived on my own for a year and eight months right out of college. Not the easiest thing to do, and occassionally needed help from my mother, but I did it. Now, here I am, with a college degree and one hell of a crappy job and living at home with my mother and annoyingly pisses me off stepfather, looking after their medical needs (yes, both of them) and I feel inferior to my older sister and little brother. What the hell is wrong with that picture?
It's not me. It's my parents. My stepdad has always treated me differently to the way he treats my older sister and younger brother. That, in itself, I've sort of learned to deal with.
My mother only treats me differently when my brother and sister are around. Example: did you know that my mom constantly brags that my sister has worked hard to get what she has. She owns her own mobile home (paid it off completely by herself), she paid for her own Yukon. She's bought her kids cell phones, iPods, computers, laptops, videogames, PS3s, etc., etc. All on her own, with her own hard work. And mom does not mind braggin about it.
But me? When I mention to people who find out that I have a degree that I worked three to four jobs every year to pay off my own tuition, on top of doing eighteen hour semesters so I could get free money (which I did, four of my five years in college were free rides, financially...and that's not including internship) my mom gets this look on her face. Like it upsets her for me to be telling people that I paid my way through college. I worked my ass off, in class and on the jobs, to make my dream come true. Just like my sister. But I don't hear my mom braggin about that. Instead, she gets annoyed when I do it for her. I'm proud of my accomplishments...but at times, I wonder if my mom is.
Okay, I gotta stop now because my library computer time is almost up and I am very close to crying.
Other than the psychological hell that was the week in Alburquerque, everything else was great. Whole lot of fun to hang out with family.
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