Finding the New Me

So life has been going well so far. I haven't seen much of my close friends here (sorry Krysia and Stephen, I'll try harder next year) but I have been getting along with my parents, although there are the occasional stepfather tantrums I have to deal with (or ignore, which is really what I do).

Work is work although I have now being forced to take my thirty minute break, which means I am no longer getting paid for the eight hour shift but a 7 1/2 hour shift. I have to work tonight, tomorrow night and the night after Christmas. Lucky me, I get to work New Year's Eve and New Year's Day as well. Punks.

I got fourth place on the Herbalife Challenge, having lost 11.25 inches in six weeks, along with 10.6 LBS. That meant I won $61 which all ended up going to my parents with the exception of four dollars. That's right. As soon as I have money, my parents we all, can I borrow this, can I borrow that. It's frustrating. I'll never save up enough money to get the hell out of there.

I have driving my car again since it is now officially legal, which means $60 on gas a month and $50 for insurance. Grrr. It seems that as soon as I make money, I lose money. Of course, being that I owe everyone and their mother, no surprise there.

Enough of the whinning, let's start counting the blessings for this year.

1. My mother -she's taken me in and hasn't asked to pay rent or bills although I do because her monthly SS check can't quite stretch

2. My brother -he's in Iraq, risking life and limb to secure the freedom that I am able to take for granted here in the good old US of A

3. My Becca -for keeping me sane through phone calls and letters. If it weren't for her, I would start believing that college never happened and either I had an extremely good imagination or schizophrenia

4. My Jaden -for reminding me about the simple things in life and how they are supposed to be enjoyed simply for the sake of enjoyment

5 My stepdad -for balancing my life by throwing in the crap that helps me figure out how to deal with conflict and how to survive verbal BS thrown my way

6. My Stephen -for making me laugh as he points out that I might as well be living out of the city with the amount of time we spend with each other, which is minimal

7. My Krysia -for listening to me talk about the nonsense that is my life, along with gripping about work, and for being a great friend that I hadn't anticipated...and for the amazing dinners

8. Pastor Heimer -for the many free meals, the great theological conversations, and the helping hand when I really need it

9. For Rossie -I couldn't have a better co-worker, helping me when I need help, encouraging me to keep going, and all around laughter

10. For God -although last, not the least. In fact, without him, all the previous blessings wouldn't exist. He has held on to me even when I let go of him, He's been constantly there even when I walk away, He's seeing me even when I hide.

Alright, I better get going now. Merry Christmas Y'all!!!

PS. I now wear size sixteen jeans. Awesomeness, uh?

Alive and Bored!

I know I haven't updated in eons, but now I am here to do so.

Of course, there's not much to tell though. I am still working at El Paso Health and Rehab, doing the night shift.

I am now Certified, which means I am an official CNA and no longer just and NA.

I have lost 12 more pounds and am now wearing size 16 and 18 dress pants and jeans.

Wow. Now I realize that I have nothing more to say.

Sucks, uh?

Will update when able to!

It's All Relative!!!

So I have been rescheduled to take my test on the morning of the 15th of this month instead of the 14th as I had been told. Which means I had to get my shift covered and lose a night of work. That's about $56 that I won't be getting paid for because I didn't have enough time to switch my shift so instead, I have a total of four days off this week. Today, tomorrow, Friday and Saturday. Seriously ticked off.

At the least, I hope to be certified by the end of this week. Then I can get on-line and apply for a CNA position at the El Paso State Center. Yes, for those wondering, I already have a job at the El Paso Health and Rehabilitation Center but they pay me so little for such hard work and besides, I prefer working with mentally and physically handicapped people and that's what I would be doing at the El Paso State Center. Now the one bad thing about it is that it's on the west side of El Paso. About half an hour from where I live with my parents in the Lower Valley. Of course, I could always get an apartment, but the west side of El Paso is not the safest part of El Paso. So many things to think about.

I have looked into El Paso Community College and found out I can get my EMS (Emergency Medical Services) in one year, which totals to twenty-six hours, thirteen hour semesters, about $200 shy of $2,000. So if you want to contribute to my continuing education, let me know and I will give you my address to send the checks to. ;oD

So my latest conundrum (besides work and the freaking State test) is making a decision to switch my membership from Redeemer Lutheran in Austin to San Pablo Lutheran here in El Paso. I really want to start getting involved in doing some volunteer ministry as able to but Pastor Heimer made it clear to me this past Sunday that my being a member is necessary to show my committment. Now I have to weight the need to do ministry and stay in shape along with learning more and growing versus hanging on to my one concrete connection to Austin, Texas that I use to remind me that someday I will live there again. What's more important?

I think the answer's pretty much obvious.

Well, other than all that jazz nothing new is going on in my life. Aside from the fact that I think the night shift charge nurse that I work with occassionally is insanely cute, I don't have a social life to speak of. I haven't even had the opportunity to hang out with Stephen and family the way I did throughout the summer. It's a real bummer because I really miss playing with my little buddy Jaden.

On the bright side, I have four days off and an extra day to study. Joy!

Tidbits

* I finished my first month of working the morning shift of the 30th of September

* I started working the night shift on the 1st of October

* I like the night shift better than the morning shift

* I have lost five more pounds

* I have my State test on the 14th of this month

* I rearranged my room

* I now have a TV in my room

* My brother is leaving for Irag (again) in three days

* I miss my little buddy Jaden

That's all. Y'all take care.

First Day

As you can see, I was up early and ready to go to work. I decided to wear my green scrubs because I think I look pretty darn cute in them...also, you can tell I have lost 30+ pounds.

Well, orientation today was alright, just a whole lot of information. But I got my schedule and my gait belt (yay! I won't have to buy one) and will be training for the next five days, which includes Saturday and Sunday.

Thank y'all for your prayers and I ask you to continue praying for me.

Whole Lot o' Nothing

I decided to update because, well, just because.

I am taking my last day as an unemployed college graduate and making it into a staycation day. Therefore, I headed to Jamaica.

It is beautiful and relaxing and oh so calming.

But other than that, I will not have much to say until after I finish my training.

Well, let's see...I do have another possible story developing in my head ('cause apparently I don't have enough voices to drive me nuts) that will start as soon as I finish my second story that I am working on (also a fanfiction story based on Twilight as the one before).

Krysia's old computer, which I had been using, finally kicked the bucket, giving me nothing but a black screen everytime I turn it on. My computer, on the other hand, the one that shut itself off every five minutes or so, is starting to behave wonderfully. I kept it on all day Saturday to make sure and it made it the whole twelve hours.

My parents and brother are in Alburquerque visiting my sister and her family and won't return until Wednesday, but I will be at work, so I won't have to be their greeting party. Yay for me!!! I have enjoyed having the house to myself, as usual, and am not looking forward to having my parents around again. But at least, this time around, I will be gone for eight hours of the day for five days a week.

Other than all that, I am reading some of my old books that I have read at least fifty times each (they are easy reads), I am getting ready for my State test which is sometime in October, and I am talking ALOT on the phone with Becca after nine pm since my stepdad isn't around to whine and complain about that.

I am also driving around (but not a whole lot) which makes me happy because I absolutely love to drive although I've only had my license for four years.

I guess I am done with the updates for now since anything else I have to say is pretty much nonsense that only Becca understands.

Oh, that reminds me, Becca, Erin and Amanda...you need to update your darn blogs!!!

For those who read this blog, you should know...

I have started working on letting go of the one I love...he loves someone else and will soon be getting married. I hope he's happy and showered with blessings on his new life.

I get to work on starting mine.

I have lost another five pounds (Yay for me!!!) and I have finished with my CNA courses, have a certificate as a Nursing Assistant and will be taking my State license test sometime in October.

I've had fun hanging out with my brother and now, I have the house to myself for the weekend.

And I will be starting my new job as a Nurse Aide at the El Paso Health and Rehabilitation Center this coming Tuesday, the first of September. I will be working the 6am to 2pm shift and will be training for the first five days.

Everything is looking up for me and that is good!

Thank You JROTC

Today we learned how to make unoccupied beds. I think the professor, Dr. Huereque, wanted to see if I really did know how to make the 45 degree angle corners on a hospital bed, which I had mentioned yesterday that I did.

So when we got to the lab room, he picked me to make the bed first since I said I knew how to do it. Well, if he expected me to be all talk...ah! I showed him!

So far, classes are...well...not like college. I am sure I will be much more challenged when I start taking my RN classes as well as my EMT ones. But the CNA classes...well, I am learning new stuff but some of it I already knew...such as the bed making.

A hospital bed is made the same way as a military bed...and I was in JROTC for three semesters in high school...I was also known as the cadet that had the ENTIRE Leadership Manual memorized...after the first three days. When it comes to things that require steps, I am a freaking perfectionist...so when I was in summer camp at Fort Bliss, my bed always, ALWAYS, passed inspection...the ruler AND quarter inspections.

Which means that all I have to practice on my hospital bed making is doing the whole thing in under eight minutes...I should just have looked into becoming a firefighter.

Anyway, other than that I got to take my first blood pressure today. I had a hard time finding the radial pulse or hearing the brachial pulse to be able to find the systolic and diastolic pressure but CNA Rivera was able to help me out and I got it right...the volunteer has high blood pressure (150/100 mmHg) and I recommended he go see a doctor...perhaps loose some weight but I didn't say that to him, just the first part.

I have CPR and First Aid training and certification tomorrow, which means that by 12pm tomorrow, I shall be certified in both areas...it won't be hard since I've gone through CPR and First Aid classes before...back when I was a camp counselor in Arizona.

Other than all of the above, I am doing alright. Exhausted like crazy for some weird reason. But I am memorizing TONS of abbreviations and can understand majority of the code stuff used in hospital talk...such as a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA) which was mentioned on Practice last night on TV.

Oh, a TIA is a minor stroke.

Well, will update later. Keep me in your prayers!

For Sure

First day of classes and believe it or not, I was still not sure if CNA was something I wanted to do but still going through it because it is a highly sought after career here in El Paso and in many other places. But after my five hour class today, I realized that my heart beats for this...except this is in a different language since the only one I know is ministry to children and youth and those needing an advocate. This little poem, I suppose, that was given to us by the instructor is what made me realize that I will be learning a whole new language for the passion that I already have within me.

I AM A CNA

I am the one in many people's lives who provides them with their basic human needs.

I am the one who goes to great lengths to maintain patient's privacy and dignity.

I am the one they rage at, venting their frustration, anger, confusion, and fear.

I am the one who rides out the storms of my Alzheimer's patient's right alongside of them.

I am the one who tries to quell loneliness and depression in the people I care for.

I am the one who listens when no one else listens.

I am the one who validates them as a person, who ensures they know they still have great worth.

I am the one who comforts and holds the hand of my patient as they slowly slip away.

I am the one who has been there by their side, when no one else was, so they were not alone when they left this world.

I am the one who offered a prayer and words of peace, while gently stroking their head and reassuring them it was "okay to let go."

Hold your head high and realize, there is no greater calling than to provide compassion and love to those in need.

Now, for those who know me and have heard me explain my passion, is that not a different translation to what I have said before? Thanks to that poem, I realized I am heading the right way with this.

Now, the awesome thing that I have learned is that I don't have to work in nursing homes (although that wouldn't be so bad since I enjoy older people). I can work in a hospital and I can work pediatrics. I find it frightening and heart wrenching the idea of working with terminally ill children and youth, but they are part of the beating of my heart, so I think it would be an amazing fit for me.

Anyway, I have flashcards to make and 60 plus terms, as well as medical terminology, that I want to memorize.

I will keep y'all up to date on my progress in this new career path I have embarked upon. Keep me in your prayers.

Updating for those who care

I am alive!!!

Just in case y'all were wondering what was going on with me since the last time I updated.

I am officially, I believe, taking classes to get my CNA starting on the 27th of this month. I should have my CNA (and a job in the medical field) by September 11.

I have no phone, am now addicted to The Big Bang Theory and been hanging out with Dawn and Carl.

I started going to a college and career age Bible study beginning this past Sunday and have a baseball game this Sunday.

I miss my little buddy "J" whose in Florida right now. Looking forward to the pictures and stories.

Need to find ways to make money...

Well, that's all. Prayers appreciated.

Missing You

So it's been quite a while since I've update.

My brother spent a week with us and my sister came down with my two nephews for a few days, so my mom had a full house, which included friends of mine and Ray's. It was a week long party, pretty much.

My car's almost fixed, I've started the process to get state funding to get my CNA and my testing date is on July 1st. I am also praying and waiting for my heart's desire.

I've been writing lately, which is good because I've got several stories that I need to update.

And I've started reading my Harry Potter books, but I am alternating between book and movie. I have the first five books and the first five movies...uh, interesting.

I just realized I don't have much to update, except for some pictures, of course. Enjoy!!!

And don't forget -RAWR.

This is my little brother Ray with my best buddy and the love of my life Jaden. The last time Ray saw and held Jaden was sometime last year. I think Jaden was about five months old or so. My brother held him like he was holding a bomb...it was quite humorous.

For that reason, I wanted to get an update picture of them two together. And for some strange reason, I absolutely LOVE this picture.

I want to print out copies so I can have one, give one to Steve and Krysia and send one to Ray.


My mom was absolutely happy having her baby home for the week although the underlying sadness of him heading back to Iraq was there.

We're hoping he gets to come back to visit again before he takes off. He's still having to do some more training, which doesn't sound fun at all.



And here's the family in it's entirety (children, parents and nephews/g-children), which included the inside dogs. We're missing my Jr., a chow-chow that lives in the back yard.

Anyway, my mother was absolutely happy...can't you see it...oh yeah, question...


This picture I love because it shows the tender heart that my brother possesses which I know isn't all that evident what with him being a soldier.

I got into calling him an "M&M" and this picture just reinforced my belief that my brother is a big teddy bear...and when he says RAWR he's actually saying "I Love You"


Oh, one more picture...that would be the sibling picture...we are reversed in height compared to age...in other words, the oldest is the shortest and the youngest is the tallest...And I'm still in the middle. I hate being the middle child, I really do...Anyway, do we look anything alike?

RAWR -That's "I Love You" In Dinasour

It has been a crazy week and few days or so. First of all, no car. My CV joint broke after my balljoint popped out of place so I am without the freedom a vehicle can give. The good thing is that I am using the always reliable Mexican mode of transportation -my two feet.

So I got to spend a day with Jaden to get my J-Fix before he took off to Albuquerque with his parents for the weekend. I tell you, that kid gets smarter and funnier and cuter and sillier every day that passes. We went to Applebee's for dinner and while we sat there and ate, every once in a while, Jaden would throw his arms up into the air and with a big smile start wiggling around...much like a rockstar two hand wave -or a running for president type of wave thingy. It would have been funny if I had gotten him on video but I didn't have my camera with me.

He now knows a new song, which I will record him doing as soon as I am able to.

Alright, aside from my Jaden obsession, other good stuff has happened. Rain and thunderstorms with amazing lightning shows but that's not the best part -

My little brother's in town!!!! He's the one I got the title for this blog from -it's the screen saver on his phone. Anyway, that kid is still short (only three inches taller than me) but I swear to all that's hot and dusty he's gotten buffer since the last time I saw him. His shoulders and arms are massive...at least to me, since I have a hard time seeing him as something other than the scrawny kid he used to be when I took off for college.

I'll put up pictures of his time here so that you can enjoy my days with me. Oh, Krysia and Stephen, Ray is looking forward to seeing Jaden. Dinner with you sometime this week so Ray can see him in his environment?

Anything else new? OH! I now have a Nano iPod thanks to my little brother. He just handed it over to me last night and now I've got about 200 of my fav songs uploaded into it, which is cool for when I have to travel from place to place on my Mexican mode of transportation.

Well, everybody - RAWR!

Missing Jaden

Due to the fact that I am missing my little buddy "J" I am going to upload videos I've had in my camera for the last few weeks.

In this video, it shows Jaden mastering the skill of climbing the couch. He likes to give himself peptalks while he does it.

This is Jaden showing me how funny he finds sneezing. It is the most hilarious thing to see!!! You have to make sure and do the "A-Choo!" for him to laugh and then sneeze as well. Kind of like he's copying you but in a cutely adorable way.

This is Jaden and Stephen spending some Daddy-Son time. He's the most adorable thing to ever exist. Honestly, he is.

Here's some more Daddy and Jaden fun that I think is absolutely adorable.

Well, I got my Jaden fix with these videos. I look forward to seeing and playing with him again.

Corvettes and Flamin' Hot LAYS

So lately I've been so craving Flamin' Hot Lays chips and have been eating them practically all the TIME!

Also, since I grew up wanting a Corvette yet never knowing what one actually looked like one until my sophomore year of college when I saw exactly what I wanted -a blue, Corvette convertible.

Ever since I told a particular guy that I've always lusted after a Corvette (whether a convertible or not), I've been seeing them constantly everywhere -Austin, Tulsa, Waco and now El Paso -the one place I thought I was safe from them since they were never around when I grew up here.

So right now I'm watching CW until the finals for Dancing with the Stars starts. I am so hoping Gilles and Chelsey win.

Well, other than all that jazz nothing is going on with my life. I've been spending all my evenings at Stephen and Krysia's while they're in Minnesota (your grass and plants are still alive and the laurel tree thingy is starting to flower) which is fun because I can watch TV without fighting over the multiple remotes with my step-dad.

I also had a 20 oz Dr. Pepper today...after four months of not having any. It was absolutely amazing.

Well, I gotta get to reading some more fanfic and hopefully get to working on my story.

Coming of Age

I got to attend a quicenera this past Sunday and realized that it would be fun to look up the history behind this Mexican celebration that emphasizes the coming of age of a young girl.

There are different aspects to a quincenera -the main event can be divided in two...the church ceremony and the reception.

The purpose of the church ceremony is for the fifteen year old to affirm her faith. The reception is very much the equivalent of a wedding.

Alright, according to what I found in Wikipedia, the quinceanos -which in America is known as a Mexican tradition -ceremony came from the French culture during the 1800s. In Mexico, the time period is referred to as the Porfiriato (this is comparable to the Victorian era in Anglo-speaking countries). Mexico's president, Porfirio Diaz was the one that brought the French celebration of a young girl's fifteenth birthday to the Mexican culture due to his admiration of the French culture.

The different aspects of the reception involve several things. The first one is the changing of the shoes. The meaning behind the changing of the shoes (which is usually done by the father of the quincenera) is to symbolize the transformation from a girl to a young woman.

El Cambio de las Zapatillas

After the changing of the shoes, comes the gifting of the doll. This is when the quincenera gives a doll to a little girl of her choosing (usually a younger sister or younger cousin) which is meant to show the letting go of her girlhood to become a young lady who will no longer think or act as a child.

El Regalo de la Muneca

The next thing that happens is the dance with father and godparents, which is usually opened by the chambelan (the escort) and quincenera and then you have the father cut in, followed by the godparents. Sometimes, it is done the other way around. The father goes first, then the escort cuts in, then the godparents. In this case, the godparent was first followed by her other godparents. Here's a video.

The last dance is the Vals (the Waltz) which is dance by the quincenera court. It is a beautiful dance that is done the same way no matter which quinceanos party you go to. I've seen it many, many times. Here's a video, which I think is beautiful...especially the song that is usually picked for this dance.

After this, everyone gets to dance. Which they all did...to music Krysian referred to as Cumbia Hip-Hop. I danced with Pastor and after that, I just watched everyone else dance...at least, I think they were dancing. I'll add some Jaden pictures and videos on another post.

Oh yeah. Still don't have a job. Yuck.

Quick Update

I have a second interview tomorrow with Telerx, the company that had given me an assessment interview yesterday (it went great...I can type 67 wpm with just one mistake) and she called about four hours later to let me know about this second interview. Please pray that it goes well and that I get the job. If I do, I will start working on the 18th of May, Monday through Friday, 7 1/2 hours a day, $8 an hour.

Another update involves my weight. If I remember, I had shared with y'all my goal at getting to my desired weight (150) by my goal age (30). I was able to meet my goal for age 25...actually, I surpassed my goal by one pound. I had originally wanted to weight 270LBs by March 27th...when I weighed myself I was down to 269LBs.

I do have to be honest though and let you know that I gained about 8 LBs during the first two weeks I was here in El Paso but I am now back on track and weighing 268LBs. Yay!!!

I am going to attempt one of those ticker things. That should be fun.

That's all!!! Keep praying for me, for both my job situation and my health

You're a Funny Dude.

So I've been spending a lot of my time over at Stephen and Krysia's. Mostly because I get to play with my favorite baby and also because I get invited for dinner and Krysia is an amazing cook (I am still college-student enough to appreciate a free meal). Anyway, I thought I would share a Jaden and Mommy moment that I absolutely loved.

Watching them play is one of my favorite things. It makes me think of that whole mother-child bond that's in place from the moment the child is born. Isn't that kid adorable? Here's another video of Jaden playing...he gets silly when he starts getting tired and sleepy.

I tell you, he's a funny kid. As you may be able to see in this video, he's sporting his first skinned knee. Krys said he took a head first tumble into the sand.

Well, other than that, the only new thing with me is that I have a job interview tomorrow at 10AM for an assessment concerning a call center job I had applied for on-line. I am praying that I get the job since I'm already behind on my phone payment and my car insurance payment is due on the fifth and I have to send in my credit card payment before the 11th.

Gag, I hate being an adult sometimes. The good news is, though, that I get to babysit Jaden most of Saturday while Krysia helps with the Join Hands event at church. Yay!!!

One more video, though. This would be Jaden's favorite activity...knocking down the tower of blocks that I build just for that purpose.

Sorry, Krysia, I know you usually do the video thing but I couldn't help it. If you think your parents would enjoy watching these, then invite them to log onto my blog so they can see them.

This kid is becoming the highlight of my stay in El Paso. I absolutely love him!

Bang! Bang!

Here I am, updating my blog and listening to Jaden slam the counter doors since they have baby-proof something or other that won't allow Jaden (and myself the first time I tried to open one of the cabinets to get to the trash can) to open them and get into the things underneath.

Oh, Amanda, if you have a missed call for sometime around 6:05PM MST, it wasn't me. Jaden was playing with my phone and called you as well as dialed my voice mail. He enjoys playing with my phone, especially pressing the internet connection button in the middle...good thing I have that disconnected, that way I won't be charged for any internet surfing or whatever.

Right now, he's a little fussy, but I think it's because he's hungry. I'd be fussy too if I couldn't find a way to make my own food when I had a grumbling tummy.

Well, the job fair this past Saturday went alright. I turned in three different applications and gave one of the companies my resume (they weren't handing out applications). I had a job interview yesterday which I believe went well but I have to wait up to two weeks before they are done interviewing all applicants and start the testing process and second interview. What position did I apply for? Secretary, of course.

I am applying on line for a call center company that works with pharmaceutical companies. Not something that I enjoy doing but it would be a job and that's something I really need.

So what's new in my life? As in, why am I updating? Well, nothing much new except I made two French Strawberry Pies for Sunday's after Choir Concert get together hoopla at church and I had Krysia and Steve (and Jaden of course) come over for dinner yesterday evening. I made a salad with carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers and purple onions along with the lettuce of course and then we had enfrijoladas, which is the equivalent of enchiladas except with black beans and not red chili sauce. My mom made the rice and I made strawberry yogurt pie with vanilla ice cream for dessert.

Stephen told me he would hire me (don't know why since Krysia is an amazing cook) and my stepdad simply said I was ready to get married. I suppose that was meant to be a compliment.

I am almost done reading The Host by Stephanie Meyer (just have a couple more pages to go) for, like, possibly the sixth time.

Oh yeah! Here are some pictures of my new best friend that I thought would be fun to share.

This was taken at Steve's parents' backyard on Easter Sunday. Krysia "hid" a couple of plastic eggs for Jaden to look for and put in the basket. He was doing a pretty good job of it but once he realized that turning the basket upside down made the eggs all fall out, I think he had even more fun putting them in the basket.
And in this one, Stephen was trying to help Jaden get the eggs and put them in the basket by pointing them out. I don't know why, but I absolutely love this picture.

It makes me think of our Heavenly Father hovering over us as we go about our lives, doing what we want to do and what we should do and what we shouldn't do.

God's love truly is unconditional, not at all based on our abilities and talents, or on our behavior and manners. He loves us because that's who He is...a God of love. He can do nothing else but love us and that's what Easter is about...the amazing love God has for undeserving people like us nailed up on a cross to be desplayed to all but even better...an empty tomb to show that death is not the end. He has eternity waiting for us.

And this one is at the top of one of my favorite pictures of my buddy J. He was laughing at Miguel who was making funny noises while they were picking up all the electrical stuff they had used for the Choir Concert that was hosted at San Pablo Lutheran Church and organized by the Missionary Institute that is housed at the Ysleta Lutheran Mission.

This kid is the easiest kid to entertain. As long as you feed him when he's hungry, he hardly ever cries...unless of course he falls and bumps his head but that only lasts for half a minute before he's back to his usual happy let's play mood. You should hear him laugh...I love hearing him laugh.

Well, done with picture time (I mean, I do have more pictures but I don't want to take away from Krysia's joy of uploading pictures of Jaden onto her blog). I am going to go into the kitchen and join Jaden and Krysia for dinner. Krysia made jambalaya and I always like joining J for a meal...he's fun to watch.

Well, keep praying for me. I will keep looking for employment and not let desperation get ahold of me. Hope you enjoyed the update!!!

Bloody...

Another nosebleed.

So, as some of you know, it seems like I have a faucet for a nose. My nosebleed for the week just ended about five minutes ago. Unfortunately, I got blood on my t-shirt. Ugh. What is up with that?

Becca once suggested they could be stress-induced nosebleeds...and yes, I am stressed. I have no job as of yet and two bills that are three digit long and no way to pay them.

I'm going to have to call concerning my student loans and see if I could get them deferred for a couple of months or so. As for my phone bill...well, we shall see if I can afford to pay that.

So what is new with me? Well, I am more than likely starting to get depressed. I recognize the signs and I understand why my mom is so worried about me. I really need to get myself a job and I really want to be able to get out of the house and earn money of my own so I can pay my bills and hopefully move out to live on my own.

Other than that, I am reading a lot, sleeping a little and eating every so often. I hardly go out of the house unless I have to or am made to.

Today, I sat in for my mom at her intensive Reformation class taught at the Missionary Institute at the YLM, which was interesting mostly because I got to hear it all in Spanish. I did, after all, take Reformation for a semester at Concordia.

I am feeling so yucky right now. Kind of like I'm neither here nor there. I have no one place to set my feet on and I don't want to stand where I'm at. That's pretty much it. I don't really have anything else to talk about or anything new to update on.

Prayers are much appreciated!!!

Kabbalah -Stay Positive

As you can imagine, I am yet to the two week mark and am already going nuts living with my parents. I mean, it has nothing to do with the fact that my parents are crazy. Not literally, I suppose, but kind of in that way where you go "You gotta be kidding."

So let me update you on what's happened in my life since the last update. Let me see...on Friday, April 3rd, my mother shows up at the house with a cute female Pomeranian. Now, we already have two inside dogs (and an outside dog as well) so my first thought was, "Oh crap." Now, it turns out that this little dog was lost so my mom picked it up before it got thrashed by a neighbor's big dog. Anyway, I called animal control and gave them her Rabies tag number, which resulted in us finding out that her name was Holly (Isn't that interestingly ironic, Beccs?) and they called and left a message with the owner.

Anyway, I made plans to go out with Stephen, Krysia and Jaden for dinner to celebrate my 25th birthday a week late and by that time, the owner hadn't called yet. My parents let me know that if the owner didn't call back we weren't going to call animal control and we would just keep the dog, which would in all reality be my dog because I didn't have an allergic reaction to her like I do to our other two dogs (both short haired dogs). So I left my house, thinking, "My parents are nuts!"

I had dinner at Shangri-Lan, a Chinese restaurant that's alongside the I-10 highway. It was really good food and they had live music. Beccs, have you ever wondered what a combination of Chinese and Mexican atmospheres result in? A Mexicanese atmosphere! I just came up with that one.

So now you all want to know whether I have a dog of my own that in all reality I can't afford, uh? After dinner, Steve, Krysh and JT dropped me off and I was able to hang out with Holly for a bit before I realized I had a voicemail in my phone. The owner called so I called her back and she came by to pick up the dog. Turns out that the dog was her grandson's who is currently stationed in Afghanistan.

Well, that was Friday. One of those "How did I end up with these parents?" moments.

Anyway, church on Sunday was good, especially since I decided to start taking notes during the sermon. This Sunday, the lay minister gave the sermon and although he touched on the basic law and gospel concepts concerning Palm Sunday, he rambled on too much for me to make sense of the rest.

As for today, well, I finally mailed out my Oklahoma state taxes (I'm getting $41 back, although I think I may be cheating the state out of $3 but I am not sure) as well as my credit card and car insurance payment. I still have no job but for some strange reason, I'm not losing sleep over it like I was in Waco. I think it's because my having a roof over my head and food on the table does not depend upon my being employed. The only thing that depends on my being employed would be getting my bills payed and the next upcoming bill is my student loan payment for this month.

Anyway, I would like to explain the title of this blog update. It involves my stepdad, me, Jaden and Stephen's Genesis class (although I don't think Kabbalah was attached to the lesson for today so much as a comment he made to another student concerning the evil eye...I think).

You see, once I got back home from the church where I went to make copies of my federal tax returns to mail off with my state tax returns, I found the house empty so I made myself some chickend with brocolli, cauliflower, carrots and some mac-n-cheese. Eventually, as I was sitting down to eat, my parents arrived with some stuff, including this big piece of furniture that I knew had to be because of my mom.

Side note: for those who have been in my house (Becca, Stephen and Krysia) my parents are pack-rats...well, collectors. Okay, my stepdad collects and my mom's the pack-rat...forget that, they are both pack-rats...that's where I get it from. Dear Moses, if we were to have an open house on all items in the house, I might be able to get out of debt.

Anyway, back to the story about the big piece of furniture.

I helped my mom get it off the truck bed and told her not to bring it inside the house until she cleared some stuff out of her sewing room (this is the biggest room in the house and it used to be my bedroom before I left for college). Because she agreed to this, I went ahead and left it where we put it...in the driveway. Obviously, this ticked off my stepdad who then proceeded to push the thing out of the driveway and my mom tried to help him but since he was in one of his moods, I made my mom get out of the way before she could get hurt. Anyway, long story short, I called Krysia, grabbed my guitar, music and tuner along with my purse, phone and car keys and got out of Dodge.

I was feeling all down and blue and definitely crying but a trip to Wal-Mart and a walk around Wal-Mart with Jaden while Krysia did some grocery shopping lifted my spirits and turned my blue mood into some bright pink stuff with glitter that makes you realize all is good with the world because God has blessed you with life, love, family and friends.

According to Stephen (who I join on his on-line Genesis class if I'm at their place around 6:30PM) Kabbalah is a religion that finds ways to ward off negativity. They work at staying positive.

Which made me realize -Jaden helped me find my center again and regain my positive view towards this whole thing. Afterall, my parents are letting me live with them rent free and are feeding me and such. I am very grateful to them and would like to repay them by making sure that I don't react negatively infront of them -which then leads to me leaving the house when tempers start to explode.

Anyway, other than that, I have update my DCE application and emailed it to Jim (who is still in charge of my placement -YAY!) and have checked out some more on-line job stuff. I'll be calling Family Christian Bookstore tomorrow to see if they have processed my application and will look into finding the Texas Workforce Commission here in El Paso.

Becca, I totally agree with your thoughts concerning animals as a witness to the existence of God. The reason I usually go with flowers, though, is for the same reasons as you went with animals. Flowers, too, are unique and so minutely designed and they also have different environments where they survive. Example: bluebonnets. They are the Texas state flower and although El Paso is a city in Texas, you cannot find a bluebonnet anywhere. Why? Because bluebonnets were not designed to survive in a desert-like environment. If everything had happened by accident, then wouldn't everything be everywhere, willy-nilly like, instead of having it's specific seasons and ecosystems? Doesn't that alone tell you that Someone greater than a cosmic accident has assigned specific flaura and fauna to specific places around the world?

Well, hope you have another theological update on your blog.

Oh, I have one for you. Do you know if Judas participated in the Last Supper, in other words, did he feast upon the flesh and blood of Jesus, before he ran off to sell him to the High Priest for thirty pieces of silver? This popped into my head during church this Sunday. The Gospel reading was from Mark, the Passion of Christ, starting with Palm Sunday and ending with the burial. As I sat there, I wondered to myself, if Judas did participate in the Supper, then did he drink and eat judgement upon himself? He obviously was unable to comprehend the full extent of that moment otherwise he wouldn't have betrayed the one who gave his body and blood for his salvation.

Okay, I think this is a L-O-N-G blog update so I need to cut it short. Keep praying for me to find employment.

Aardvark

I didn't know what to name this blog and this was the first thing that popped into my head.

Anyway, God told Adam that He had to name all the animals. Adam said okay, I guess I could do that. So he started with the easy ones -tiger, elephant, panther, eagle...platypus. Then he got to that one... I'll name that one aardvark.

God looked at Adam and cocked an eyebrow...how do you spell that Adam?

Adam looks at God and gives him a shy little smile, with two a's?

Enough of that. My day today started late. Probably because I went to bed late last night. Oh well, stuff happens. I did get applications for Michael's, Babies R Us, World Market, Bed, Bath & Beyond. Oh yeah, I also got an application for Starbucks after my mother treated me for dinner at Whataburger.

Tomorrow, I will return my filled out applications for Family Christian Bookstore, Barnes & Noble and Starbucks. I am also going to start looking into employment agencies here in El Paso. We'll see what I find.

Other than that jazz which rules my life, I've started the friend journal that Erin suggested and that Becca and I will be doing now that I am SO FAR AWAY from Austin. I've also started a new project...my step-dad clued me into it. You take a normal rubber ball the size of a tennis ball then buy TONS of pins and just start putting them halfway into the ball. Once you're done (Joe said it took him 5,000 pins to finish his) you end up with a pretty cool stress ball. Joe started me off by getting me a blue rubber ball and I've bought 1,000 straight pins today and started it before my mom took me out for dinner.

Anyway, other than that, life is alright. I was on the National Issues Forum on Tuesday evening concerning the cost of health care (this was aired on PBS at 6:30PM MST) and then Pastor treated me to Applebee's where I had a Blue Sunset Margarita...the glass was HUGE...well, not HUGE HUGE, but huge Huge...basically, more alcohol than I'm used to.

Yesterday evening, my cousin called to invite me to go bar hopping with him tomorrow night...I said no, since bar hopping is not really my scene. He did let me know he would bug me until I said yes so I told him if he was paying for everything, then I'll eventually say yes.

Now, I am hanging out at Krysia and Stephen's (I wonder how long before they get sick of me), listening to Stephen's World Religions class and, obviously, posting a new blog.

Oh, Becca!!! I introduced my step-dad to Corner Gas and even though it doesn't have Spanish audio and my step-dad doesn't completely understand English, he really enjoyed Oscar LeRoy...go figure. He then proceeded to say that would more than likely be him when he gets older. I responded "Your words, not mine." But I was actually thinking "When? Try now."

Oh, also, Beccs, thanks for updating your blog so soon after the last one. I say, keep it up!!! Even if it's just nonsense about a ho-hum day.

Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to look for employment.

Here I Am

Twenty-five years old, living with my parents and my new playmate is a year and a little over a month old.

I spent today doing laundry, trying to organize my room so it looks like my room (try fitting an apartment's worth of stuff into a tiny room and you'll realize it is not that easy), and then washing the car to make my step-dad stop whining about it.

I did get my engine oil, oil filter and spark plugs changed and it looks like I will eventually have to replace the suspension on the back tires. Other than that, my car is alright.

I spent about two and a half hours playing with J.T. and then worked on my resumes (all done!) while he was napping and then I had dinner with him and Krysia (amazing salmon and rice...so want the recipe!!!) while Stephen was having class over the computer in the other room (I still don't get it...) and applied to some positions on-line.

Please keep that in your prayers!!!

Well, I'll be at the Heimer's again tomorrow to play some more with my new buddy and then check out my email and see if anything has come through before looking for more positions. I am also hoping to read Krysia's thesis.

Well, that's an update so far. I miss Becca like crazy and I hope that she updates her blog so I can know what is going on in her life. As for Shortcake...your puppy Aspen is adorable!!!!

Seven Days

One week from today, I am turning twenty-five. TWENTY-FIVE!!!

I didn't think it would matter all that much, I mean, after all, life just keeps going every day, every hour, every minute, every second...nothing can be done to stop time. Even when you die, time may stop for you, but for everyone else, it keeps going.

So I have seven more days of being twenty-four. Seven more days of realizing that at twenty-five, it will just become a down-hill roller coaster to becoming an adult. I've been out of college for two years come this May but I still live like a college student. All I have in my apartment is a day bed, a bookshelf, a camping chair and a fold-out papazzan chair along with a fan and a floor lamp.

Maybe next time around that I get an apartment, I'll start buying real furniture...like a couch. And a coffee table. And end tables. With lamps and maybe a rug. I can get a dresser for my clothes and bookshelves for my books (I keep my books in a box and my DVDs in the bookshelf I now have).

I can't believe that in seven days, I will be a quarter of a century old. I'll be celebrating my twenty-fifth birthday with my best friend Becca and her family. How am I celebrating my twenty-fifth birthday? Non-adult style -pizza and a movie!!! Maybe a cake...or cupcakes.

I can't believe I'm turning twenty-five. I am single, with no prospect of a boyfriend or husband or family...I have no career even though I have a college degree. And I'm going to be living with my parents.

Twenty-five...what a milestone, especially when I believed I wouldn't make it past sixteen. And if I had done it my way, been that much of a coward, if God hadn't reached out to me and given me a second chance, I wouldn't have made it to my eighteenth birthday.

God is amazing. He has held on to me from before I was born and been with me every step of my life. I have turned my back to Him many, many times and yet when I turn back, He is there, waiting for me. He has changed me in so many ways, as tested me for the purpose of refining me, and He has taught me to trust in Him and Him alone. God has carried me through these past twenty-five years and I know without a doubt He will carry through the next twenty-five years. He has blessed me with love and happiness, with friends and family.

He has given me my dreams of college and has shown me the joy of ministry, of teaching His Word to others, of encouraging others in their walks with Him. He has given me a heart for the hurting and the needy. He has given me words to defend the oppressed and stand up for the defenseless.

He has given me a passion for loving teenagers, a joy for loving children and compassion for loving the elderly. He has broadened my vision of ministry, teaching me that focusing on one group isn't His way. His way is all-encompassing, all-loving....with arms wide open.

And that's how I want to live my life -with arms wide open. And I've come to understand that to show and live Christ means I must live with arms wide open...and with a heart wide open as well.

And that's what I will do. I will live Christ and show Christ to everyone...my parents, my family, my friends...but especially to myself. Because if I don't see Christ when I look in the mirror after a day of being petty and resentful and angry...then how will others see Christ in me?

AM I INSANE?!?!?!?

Oh boy, this is going to be crazy. So I'm going home. After seven years of not living under the same roof as my parents for more than a month, I am voluntarily moving back in with them.

I am trying my best not to panic and let that yucky tight knot feeling in the middle of my stomach to push me towards worrying. Somehow, I feel like God is pushing me back home. No matter which way I turned, He kept hedging me towards El Paso. Why?

Is He planning on restoring the relationship between myself and my parents? Does He want my parents to see me as an adult or me to see my parents as friends?

Or is there more to it? Is this part of that healing process I began last year while in Tulsa but stopped after four sessions because I was too busy (the best excuse to stop things that will reveal what you don't want to see)?

El Paso is the place I grew up in. It holds so many memories and joys and disappointments and pains. The day I left El Paso to head for college in Austin, I promised myself that I would never go back. But now, I am trying to figure out what I meant. Never go back to El Paso? Or never go back to the unlivable family situation I had grown up in?

Will my parents and I be able to get along? How long before we start getting on each other's nerves and climbing down each other's throats? Will I be able to handle the arguments and fights my parents seem to just naturally fall into? Sometimes, I think that their relationship is based upon fights and arguments that could easily be resolved through open communication. I hate dealing with conflict. I do everything possible to not have to deal with conflict. Why do you think I work so hard at having people like me? That way, there won't be any conflict. Yes, I've dealt with it when it comes up between me and Becca, but Becca and I are so close that I know we can move on beyond that and not have it hanging off our necks like some dead albatross.

But my parents...they never let go. I love them both very much, don't get me wrong. But they aren't conducive to the peaceful and fun-loving style of living that I've gotten used to these past seven years.

I was 18 when I moved out of my parents house, a week after graduation and right into the Heimers' home. It was a wonderful time for me, staying up late talking with Angela, getting to work throughout the day with Stephen, learning more about Jesus and Scripture, about myself and my relationship with God. Making friends, doing ministry.

I didn't have to deal with my parents except for Sundays. I liked that. It was restful, peaceful, wonderfully amazing. It made me realize that life doesn't have to be one fight after another, one argument on top of the next one. Life can be agreeing to disagree, communication, smiles and laughter, joy at being able to connect in a way that lets you express your view and see someone else's view without trying to squash one and replace it with the other.

Not only that, but I've gotten used to having my own space. I am going to have to share a bathroom with my parents, a kitchen, a living room...and if I know my mom, my bedroom is not off-limits. She never learned to knock. Oh God, please help me not to revert back to seventeen. I want to have them see me and treat me as a grown up, not a rebellious teenager that's too stupid to understand responsibility, therefore rules must be applied.

I need prayers that I find a job FAST, that way I can move withing a week or two of starting a new job. I can deal with living near my parents...I can't deal with living with my parents. Not for long. I don't think I'll even unpack.

Much prayers would be appreciated.

I HATE living like this

I don't have enough money on my account to make rent.

Which means the rent check I gave last week will bounce if it get's posted before Friday, which it will.

Then, I don't have enough money to pay for car insurance.

Which means I have to charge it to my 1st FBUSA card that I have barely gotten under the credit limit of.

Then, I've overdrawn my stupid Chase Visa card again, which means late fees that I can't pay.

I hate this!!!

And worst, I don't even know if I will have a job at the end of this month.

I want some stability!!!

Man oh Man

Nothing new to update, really.

Well, I do have something new happening but I am keeping that between me and Becca until I know more about it. No use jumping onto a wagon ride that isn't meant for me.

So I started my day with donating blood. That took all of fifteen minutes. I do need to get food though, since I only had an apple for breakfast.

Other than that, I was planning on getting my taxes done so I headed to the library, which is where I am at right now, but they already have too many people so I will have to come next Saturday. As long as I get them done before April 15th. I have to find out what I'm suppose to do concerning the Oklahoma State taxes I have to file this year. Yuck.

Well, nothing new in my life, except I've been training for the past four days...as in training new TMA's for the Columbia project. Our goal is 1,000 by March 31st...one more week in February and we aren't even halfway there. It sucks.

Other than all that, I have nothing else to share. My head hurts, I'm hungry and have a hankering for Chinese, and my car is starting to act up...again. Why does it always do that when I have no money? Grrr....

Well, let's hope I get a good sized tax return...I am, afterall, reporting a total of four jobs for 2008. How disgusting is that?

I just want to get back into ministry!!!! Please, God, tell me there's a light at the end of the tunnel that is my life. Well, that's all. I would upload photos from my weekend in Abilene with Christine and the guys (the guys being Kevin, Sean and Micah) but I didn't brink my camera with me....I know exactly where it is though. On the bar in my apartment infront of my butterfly printed sugarpot.

Alright, enough of this nothingness....

Oh yeah, Amanda. I went onto the lmcs website and looked you up under the church worker directory...you're in there!!! I thought that was cool...I was, of course, so jealous. Hope you are enjoy being a full time DCE...I know I would.

Abiline? Abeline? Abilene?

So I got off the phone with Christine about half an hour ago and she mentioned something that made me think...

A two bedroom apartment in Abilene where she just moved to...in other words, roommates. Somewhere different, somewhere new.

Should I do it? Start looking into a job there, get an apartment with Christie?

I may be spending the weekend with her this coming weekend, since I don't work Saturday and Sunday.

Should I? Or should I stay in Waco? No, not Waco. I want somewhere different. I think I just may look into moving in with Christine in Abilene.

Noodles, Waffers, and Shortcake

My last weekend of January was spent sick in Austin...that's right, I drove down to Austin while sporting a 100.4 fever and stayed there until Sunday, running a fever between 100.1 and 100.5 all weekend. It was worth it.

I got my hair cut (broke out in a cold sweat the entire time I was there, I felt horrible), had lunch with Becca and Erin (thus the title...guess which one I am) at The Pit in Georgetown, had a Kaluha Mudslide with Becca (the alcohol was Becca's idea...interestingly enough), and got to attend the high school youth worship and Redeemer and see Joshua Jackson (meow).

That in itself was the saving part of my weekend...Becca had been teaching high school Sunday School for the last two weeks (?) and asked me to go with her on Sunday morning, which I did. It was eye-opening...

I realized, with shock and sadness, that I had given up on getting a call. I had assumed that trusting God to place me in a position meant sitting back and waiting instead of actively knocking on doors, and because of that, deep down, I had actually started doubting as to whether God even had a place for me to do ministry at.

I love ministry in its entirety. Not just high school or middle school ministry, but adult ministry, college ministry, children's ministry, cross cultural ministry, mission ministry, ministry as a whole. I want to do ministry...plural.

I've emailed Jim to ask him to email me my application since my USB crashed and I didn't have a copy saved on my computer. I am working on that application and then will be sending it back to Jim. He stated that the whole thing is going slow due to the economy but to not give up hope...there are churches seeking DCEs...such as one in California that's wanting a bilingual DCE. So I just pray that I continue to feel hope, knowing God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me.

Other than that, I am still getting over my four-five day cold. I still sound like a strangled chipmunk and my throat still hurts a bit. Oh yeah, my nose won't stop bleeding.

I did find out that I gained three pounds since last August 2008...but that's okay. I have two months to lose five pounds and hit 270lbs before my 25th birthday as planned...

As for my 25th birthday (it's on March 27th, Stephen. Am I going to have to call you to remind you...as usual? ;o)........I've been thinking morbid thoughts...you see, I know I'm not healthy (having five to six nosebleeds in the span of an hour pretty much makes me think that) and being a hypochondriac (Becca's assessment to which I agree) I can't help but wonder if I may have some form of cancer or illness...why does my 25th birthday make think of this even more than usual, though?

Because my father died of lymphoblastic leukemia when he was 25. Isn't that crazy. Twenty-five just doesn't seem like that many years to be alive....and yet, I never thought I would have made it past sixteen. God is amazing indeed.

Other than all that jazz, I've been drawing, creating my own little Texas town, which I have named Nowhere. Once I get down designing the first building (a little two room cabin), I'll make sure and take a picture and post it. It is looking awesome, if I must say so myself.

Well, enough is enough. I am going to either go work on my cabin or go read and watch Corner Gas at the same time. Yes, I can multitask my hobbies.

Oh yeah, something new that I am going to do here...reveal 25 things about myself that people don't know about me...except maybe my close CLOSE friends.

1.) I am talented at everything, and excel at nothing
2.) Hummers and vehicles shaped like boxes make me mad
3.) I think Brent Michaels (Poison) is really sexy, even when he's wearing eyeliner
4.) I own roller skates that I haven't used except once
5.) I own tap shoes I've only used once
6.) I think I have inner police car radar
7.) I've always wanted a straightjacket....just because
8.) I love the feel of paper that's got writing all over it...in other words, love used notebooks and journals
9.) I have more than ten journals
10.) I have more than ten stories going on in my head at once
11.) I am not schizophrenic even though I do hear voices in my head
12.) I used to hate dark chocolate but when I started eating healthy, I switched to dark chocolate so I wouldn't eat so much of it and now I love it
13.) I used to hate broccoli and couliflower, wouldn't eat it when my mom made it...I can't have enough of either now
14.) I have no concept of money
15.) I've never had a dream in Spanish...in other words, my mom speaks English in my dreams...my mom can't speak English in real life
16.) I am allergic to mornings...don't believe me, ask Becca
17.) If I ever bleed to death, it will more than likely be through my nose
18.) I always make plans and rarely follow through
19.) I've been in love three times and have striked out three times...which means, I've given up on love
20.) I've learned to be okay with being single
21.) I don't love myself but I no longer hate myself either
22.) Deep inside where no one can see, I am a wild child
23.) I hate long toenails...hate them, hate them, hate them
24.) I have to sleep on my stomach...I can't sleep any other way
25.) I am an organizational freak in disguise....

Well, I was having a hard time coming up with stuff by the end. Whew.

Enjoy!!!!

Oh yeah, I may be staying in Waco after March instead of heading home to El Paso the way I thought. My mother is doing alright...both tests for breast and stomach cancer have come back negative.

Must Focus

I am all over the place nowadays.

Becca is the only one privy to my thoughts and plans and theories and doubts and such since she's the one person I really open up to when we're on the phone for two-three hours every other night or so.

But I thought I should update y'all on what I've been thinking lately.

One, I am contemplating moving to Louisiana at the end of May. Why Louisiana, you wonder? Because I am curious about what is in gumbo, I would love to listen to good ol' Louisiana music, which includes the saxophone, I am interested in picking up a Cajun accent, I want to learn how to cook Cajun food, I want to have a Louisiana Cajun Cowboy call me "shie" or something along those lines, and I want to experience the Lousiana Cajun culture.

Two, I am looking into applying for an FBI position...this is not a joke. I've already emailed the person in charge of the application hiring stuff so I can find out what the physical requirements are, that way I can work on getting in shape this year.

That's my third thing, getting in shape. I've decided to give up red meat (not that hard to do), I've given up sugar and taken on fruit instead, I'm giving up Wendy's, Sonic, Quizno's, and pizza as well as Dr. Pepper and Hot Cheetos. It's not going to be that hard. My goal is to be sporting size 18 jeans by the end of May. I'm pretty close, since I'm still sporting size 20 jeans at the moment.

Most wome don't like talking about their weight and clothes size, and I'm no different. But I want you to join me in my journey to being healthy, so I'm going to share those embarrassing tidbits you never ask a woman so you can rejoice with me as I work on reaching my goal.

I am five feet and six inches tall. That means my ideal weight is somewhere between 150 and 160. Last year, around August of 2007 when I started changing my lifestyle so I could be healthier, I weight 290lbs. That's right, I was ten pounds away from hitting 300lbs, which many won't believe because I don't look that heavy. So I was sporting ten pounds less than double my weight and wearing 2xLarge t-shirts and size 24 jeans. By the end of September 2007 (after two months of healthy living aka no Dr. Pepper, no chocolate, no sugar period, smaller portions, eating more often, no red meat and an INCREASE of vegetables) I was down to 278lbs. So that means I lost 12lbs in two months...I also dropped a pant size, going from size 24 to size 22.

I didn't weight myself again until August 2008, a year after I hit rock bottom when I realized I was dangerously obesse...anyway, I hadn't been working out for the past six months but I was still eating healthy...LOTS of vegetables. So I visited Becca, who had a scale and I weighed myself, expeting myself to have gained weight since I was last weighed (278lbs was my last known weight) but was overjoyed to find that I had actually lost weight....six pounds! So I weighed 272lbs...and then four months later, I discovered that I've dropped another pant size...so I am now sporting size 20 jeans and Large t-shirts.

So my goal is to get down to size 18 jeans by the end of May 2009. As for weight, I don't have a goal, just to drop at least ten more pounds. If I continue dropping at least twenty pounds per year, I may make it to my ideal weight by the time I am thirty...which is my goal.

Let's see if that's the case, shall we?

Age 23 -290 LBS, Size 24
Age 24 -270LBS, Size 22
Age 25 -250LBS, Size 20
Age 26 -230LBS, Size 18
Age 27 -210LBS, Size 16
Age 28 -190LBS, Size 14
Age 29 -170LBS, Size 12
Age 30 -150LBS, Size 10

I was right! So that's lose 20 lbs every year...I am doing well so far since I've lost two shy of 20 pounds between 23 and 24...I still have two months to lose those 2 pounds before I turn 25. So that means by the end of my 25th year, I should be weighing 250 pounds...

Not only that, but I can keep dropping sizes until I get to a size 10...I don't think I've worn a size ten since I was in sixth grade....

I think this will become my new project aka addiction...getting healthy in a healthy way. I will keep you posted but I will not obssess.