I just got back from Wal-Mart. I spend $22 on two frozen pizzas, Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Ice Cream (Chocolate and Vanilla Ice Cream with Fudge Brownie chuncks and gobs of chocolate chip cookie dough), a bag of milk chocolate with toffee and almond Hershey blocks, a large bar of Symphony milk chocolate, and a Kingsbury book that will make me believe everything is right with the world.
So am I depressed? Feeling blue? Well, not blue. Mostly because I think blue is a happy color...any shade of blue is cheery and happy and constant to me. I guess I am feeling more like gray...yeah, gray is the color of my mood.
The word of my mood is YUCKA...
Balls also describes my mood adequately (just for you Becca).
I have been packing, throwing out papers from the school notes and papers I've kept. I wish I could just go home now, where I could feel safe and stable. I think that's what I hate about my life the most...how unstable and inconsistant it feels, day in and day out.
Not only that, but I think I am not healthy. I've had nosebleeds the past three days. Yesterday and today, I had two. They've only lasted about two minutes but still...nosebleeds three days in a row? I also had a sinus headache all day Friday. And I mean all day. It started late Thursday night when I went to bed and did not go away until Friday night when I went to bed.
Well, tomorrow, I'll be calling JOAT to see if they have anything lined up for me (as well as a paycheck for the two days I worked last week at Loan Express). If not, I'll be going to Katy's, an ice cream shop at Clay and Valley Mills and putting in an application (as well as strongly suggesting they hire me...is that called begging?)
I have this week to get at least $200 so I can pay rent next Monday for the month of November. I also need to fill out the paperwork to defer my stupid school loans. Why did I go to school? What is the point of a Bachelor's when I can't even use it?
Enough, enough. There's no point to my yacking on and on about my pathetic life. Yes, by the way, I am depressed. Not suicidal but definitely depressed.
Yucka...
1 comment:
so... I'm guessing your building character? I'm sorry things are going so badly darling. And because I'm me I really must say that loading up on chocolate and junk food isn't going to make you feel any better. Try oranges and carmel apples (it being fall and all). The nose bleeds are probably from having a dry nose and allergies, which I know you have. Just keep hanging on. If you move to New Mexico Rachins and I will have to drive by on our way out to visit lots of Native American sites.
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